W30D6 – Body acceptance

It’s been a while since I wrote about aerials.

Well, that’s because something happened.

I took a fall.

It wasn’t from very high up, and that’s why aerialists always have a thick pad underneath. But I became unlooped from the fabric in a way I shouldn’t have and hit the ground very unexpectedly.

It freaked me out!

I was totally fine, except for a small headache. Baby girl kept kicking as usual and I felt nothing unusual or painful. Physically, I was completely fine.

What freaked me out was the realization that I wouldn’t have fallen if I hadn’t been pregnant. My body is simply weaker and less coordinated than usual, which is what both 1) caused the fall and 2) prevented me from catching myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve fallen before! I’ve come out of holds that should’ve been secure and found myself grabbing the fabric before even realizing what was happening. My reflexes and strength have always let me correct any mistake in mid-air, and I’ve been lucky to never have a significant impact.

Before now.

It’s been about a month since I last did aerials. I went to a few more classes after my fall to prove I wasn’t afraid.

The fear was the wakeup call, but my ever-slowing body was the nail in the coffin. I found myself struggling to climb the fabric, unable to finish an entire warmup, and needing to sit out more moves than not.

I wasn’t myself, but I didn’t want to admit it! So I kept going to aerials, kept trying to keep up when I knew I couldn’t.

And…. didn’t write about it. Suggesting I might not be as strong would make it the truth, right?

Maybe it’s being in third trimester and feeling like an absolute whale, but it feels easier to accept that now. My body is slower and softer, telling me in every way to take it easy. Rest. You ARE doing a lot. Your strength will return.

If first trimester is a blur of excitement that carries you through the nausea and exhaustion, second trimester is the exhilaration and energy that convinces you anything is possible. Third trimester is the insight and patience to understand that pregnancy is both finite and difficult.

So I’m *officially* not doing aerials anymore. I miss it, but know it’s not for me at this time. I’ll get back into it when my body’s ready. Or find another fun and awesome hobby instead 🙂

KK 14jan18

photo credit: https://homethods.com/