W36D2 – last month

Yesterday was 36 weeks.

One more week and I’m full term!

I’m scared and excited. Pregnancy books the first eight months talk all about the symptoms you can expect, how you might be feeling, tips n tricks to ease discomfort, etc.

Month nine? They talk about delivery.

“Here are signs of labor!”

“How to prep for the hospital”

“What to buy for baby”

Basically, you’re not in month nine of pregnancy; you’re in the “still pregnant, no baby” stage. Any symptoms you might be feeling are eclipsed by labor/delivery pep talks and baby prep.

My emotions are weird right now. Maybe I’m too paralyzed to feel anything, unbridled excitement or utter fear. I’m having a baby! Yay! Oh wait, I can’t just pick up my life from 9 months ago? Hey, I’ll be able to move like a normal human again! I need to find daycare or take a kid everywhere with me now? Huh.

It’s all sinking in what it means to be pregnant and have a kid. It feels too late that I’m looking backwards, realizing what I used to have and won’t have again. It’s scary, but then I remember being there and wanting kids so badly. Knowing that, for me, there was NO way forward without having kids.

This is just the transition.

I’m scared – it’s a big change! I’m also unbelievably excited. So many of my childhood dreams are coming true! Building a family, creating a home, being with a man I love. Someone pinch me!

Pregnancy month #9 is like taking a deep breath before diving in. Everything else is done, and now time stops just briefly before the Rest of Your Life begins.

KK 21feb19